"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

Dear Readers,


I can't contain how I'm feeling right now. I'm just so happy that I have to blog about it! And so we all have dreams, but some dreams are temporary while some are to die for, which make us determine to achieve it & turn those into reality. So, when I was little, I used to have not just one dream. I dreamt of becoming a policewoman, as well as a teacher. Well, that dream of becoming a policewoman was due to my father being an auxiliary police (till now). Honestly, being a policewoman is not bad. I would love to be one, but knowing that I suck in physical fitness (well, actually it's just my running that makes me feel sucky), I know that I'm not qualified to be one. However, my dream of becoming a teacher stays. When I was in secondary school, despite being the troubled child - a rebellion - somehow, I developed an interest of a counselor.

I don't see myself suitable in becoming a counselor because I, myself, have an attitude problem. One thing is that I'm impatient, hot-tempered.. Everything! But I swear I can't deny the fact that I want to be a counselor. I don't know what exactly happened back then that makes me want to be one. I can see my life a little complicated because what I've been dreaming of is being rather.. High standard? Okay, it's something like.. In my opinion, teachers are usually smart because they are either born smart or they are hardworking. That's why they can become teachers. As for me, I'm not smart, to tell you the truth. Back in Primary 4, I was supposed to go to EM3 when I moved up to Primary 5, but no. I opted for EM2 instead. And I scored an aggregate of 154 for my PSLE. So I got an option to either go to Normal Academic or Normal Technical. And yes, I opted for the best. In Secondary 4, I scored 10 points for my N Level, just an exact maximum score for Secondary 4 Normal Academic students to go on to Secondary 5. And that was by luck - I scored A2 for my Art & Design, which helped me a lot.

And then in Secondary 5, back in 2007, I sat for O Levels. And hey, guess what? I scored 31 points for it. I repeated Secondary 5 the following year & my points got worse; 32 points. See what I mean? It didn't stop there, you know? The first semester of ITE, I failed 2 modules. So I had to retake the following semester. My overall GPA in ITE was 2.34. And yes, I had a hard time getting in to Poly. Failing 2 of the modules was due to my stupidity of giving up something I had no interest. I'm blessed to not fail any of the modules in Polytechnic right now. But still, my current GPA is still not qualified for me to be a teacher. I have to face the reality that I'm far too good to be one. But after I had a talk with my sister-in-law yesterday, it really gives me hope.

We talked about us, like why she decided to be a teacher & what I'm planning to work as after I've graduated. Honestly, before I talked to her into this, I actually knew what kind of career I wanted. Due to the stated circumstances, I kind of held back in answering that I wanted to be a teacher/counselor whenever people asked me what I wanted to work as after graduation. I often told them, "I've not thought about it, but definitely not an administration job." Due to the answer given to them, I swear I felt embarrassed because I did feel like it's as if I didn't have any ideal job at the age of 24, whereby people around me, be it young or old, already have answers of what they want to do. Thankfully, my sister-in-law is of help because she has friends who are in that field that we talked about, somehow, most of my answers have been answered. Just a few hours ago, she gave me the highlights of the job scope summary & I literally cried (hard) in happiness when I read, "School Counselor". Never did I think I could achieve this dream of becoming one, but I can see the light of hope ahead of me.

That's it, I tell myself. That's it, I'm going to graduate from Poly & give this a try. I will. I would never want to lose the opportunity ever again. And I hope my family can give me their fullest support to pursue this dream.

PS: Happy mother's day to my Super Woman who showered us 4 siblings with love, patience, endurance.. EVERYTHING. I acknowledge that I'm not being a good daughter most of the time; I've hurt you many times with offensive words. I'm not good in showing my care & concern physically & verbally, I feel more comfortable writing it down somewhere. I'm sorry for not being like other siblings. I'm so, so sorry for being different, but that's just how I am. It's not your mistake that I'm like this, but it's mine.  Despite all these, I hope to change for the better & make it up to you for my wrongdoings all these years. I love you so much, Umi. May you get better each day, Insyaállah.

Regards,

Hazirah A. Rahim